New year, new mindset

Hello first post of 2020!

I want to better my mindset and positivity this year. I also want to write more ‘from the heart’ posts; just brain dumping what my mind’s thinking, so two birds with one stone hey? I love to read thought provoking posts from others, so with the aim of running a blog similar to the ones I like to read, here we are. 

I’m not gonna bore you with a list of my new year’s resolutions as, let’s be honest, most people’s are pretty similar. Eat more healthily; lose weight or exercise more; spend less money; travel more; get more sleep etc etc. And like every other basic bitch on the internet, I am also aiming to save more money, tone up and fit my butt into my Levi shorts that I’ve not been able to wear since 2017, and stop buying coffee and snacks from the work canteen, so who wants to read a whole post about those? 

However, being generally a bit grumpy during the working week became a part of my personality during 2019, and I want to shake that this year. You know the people at work that always have time to make small talk while you’re making a cup of tea, say hi when you get in the lift, or ask questions about things they’ve seen on your insta or your weekend. Well that weren’t me. It used to be, when I started and was making new friends, but it’s all too easy to get into the ‘I hate commuting on the tube, I’m tired’ mindset and get into a habit of moaning every day. I wasn’t unhappy in myself by any means, I’d just become one of the people that wasn’t a lil ray of sunshine all the time, like I feel I used to be pre full time work. 

Disclaimer that this post has nothing to do with my job role! I’m an Account Manager for a national radio brand in central London and I love the job and the company. It’s the rigamarole of being squashed under a city worker’s armpit as some knobhead’s wearing their rucksack and taking up your personal space on the tube, having to make lunch every evening in order to not spend £7 a day on a mediocre meal, sitting in the same seat all day, every day compared to the freedom of uni that I want to address. 

A colleague and I always used to joke that full-time work has turned us into miserable old men. How we had much more of a zest for life and were generally friendlier pre the nine to five office life. Working as a waitress and barmaid for seven years, smiling at strangers and making small talk was ingrained in my soul, yet I seem to have lost some of that desire to chat to anyone in the past couple of years.

It’s true what they say, repeating the same things become a habit. You know when you’re a bit tired, had a rubbish commute and when asked how you are the automatic response is ‘yeah fine, only two more days till the weekend’ with a laugh? I know for me it only takes a couple of days of that until you can’t be bothered to make conversation, so the not-so-cheerful response becomes a bit of a habit.

Routine is part of life. I remember when I started work after uni and every day was an adventure; what was I going to wear, where could I go at lunchtime, what would I have for lunch? It’s understandable that nobody’s still going to feel like that two and a half years in, but in 2020 I’m going to find the joy in every day. Even boring Tuesdays when work is manic, it’s raining and you realise your chicken’s not defrosted in time for dinner. Phrases like that make my skin crawl, but sometimes you just gotta remind yourself to embrace the cringey cliche. 

Almost two weeks of annual leave over Christmas was the perfect time to have a complete break from work, London, commuting and routine. I really do feel like a new woman on my return to ‘normal’ life. I’ve made the effort so far to make lunches every night, keep my room clean, and put out an outfit before bed, and it’s made the world of difference. Sure, there will be days that I’m shattered and will sit in my Little Mermaid PJs watching re-runs of Police Interceptors rather than do any of the above, but I’m really hoping that I’m currently manifesting and creating a habit of this positivity to become my ‘new normal’ in 2020. 

I now feel a bit weird posting this as it comes across that I’ve been unhappy in the past year, which isn’t the case at all. I just want to work on (another cringey cliche alert) being the best version of myself, and being the kind of person that I want to interact with. I no longer want to admire the smiley, chatty girl that everyone says ‘is just so nice’; I want to BE her.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, positive 2020.  

Becca x